Never had I met someone just as eclectic

Someone who’s pull was too strong

Such a deadly storm

in which the only safe for

me

was its eye.

Never someone so strikingly, hauntingly,

devastatingly

beautiful.

My chaos.

My midnight storm.

Someone whose presence alone was as electrifying as it was protective.

An absolute dream of a man.

The anguish in me is almost as

palpable as my love for him,

which resides

and unapologetically

grips firmly upon my heart.

The heart that only, and will ever only,

beat for him.

The prospect of such a cruel outcome

shows a sardonic smile

every now and then,

constricting my throat

and filling my mouth with the taste of regret and trepidation.

Metallic and pungent.

That too seems palpable.

And it’s slimy. Vile and

oh

simply terrifying.

Absolute

and all-consuming fear. 

All it truly takes is a graze—

the passing of a hand

followed by a feeling that scorches up my palm and

sears my very being with desire.

Such a visceral reaction to something so

so innocent.

Yet, my muscles go taut

at the mere thought.

He’s a powerful source.

I cannot bear it;

never seeing those moss agates again.

It’s too much, making me belligerent in

my own world.

He, the Devil.

He who owns my soul.

Yet, he refuses to recognize such.

For that, I cannot forgive myself.

And shall spend the rest of my days

offering my sacrifice.

Wounded, raw, and skinned.

But proudly belonging to him.

Be it in his knowledge or not.

 

Forgive me.

Have this be a sin

and I shall remain

a sinner

All I ask,

is you forgive me.

For I will never

ever

deny my need.

​​

​

— A.M. Sención

11.2024